


Tell Me, What's It Like?

by silentsquander



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:41:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26058898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentsquander/pseuds/silentsquander
Summary: What’s it like to fall in love with your best friend?If you ask Tobio, he’ll just stare at you. He’d say: “You’ll have to get me a few drinks before I answer that.”
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47





	Tell Me, What's It Like?

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to have two chapters, but I decided to make it one instead. Enjoy.

What’s it like to fall in love with your best friend?

If you ask Tobio, he’ll just stare at you. He’d say: _“You’ll have to get me a few drinks before I answer that.”_

____

____

So you take him to a bar. You don’t ask right away, of course, he’s not nearly tipsy enough to give you an honest answer. So you wait for the tell-tale flush in his cheeks, for the slight slur in his words. You wait for the way he seems to open up to the world around him.

Finally, you ask. _What’s it like to fall in love with your best friend? ___

____

____

When he looks at you this time, there’s a sadness in his eyes that you haven’t seen before. 

_It’s the most painful thing you could ever experience._ He stops and looks away from you. The ambiance of the bar flows around your secluded table while you wait for him to continue. _It sneaks up on you,_ he finally says. _You don’t realize that thinking about the way his smile lights up his face isn’t what normal friends think about. Or that fantasizing about his lips isn’t platonic. And when you finally_ do _realize… when you know that he doesn’t feel the same… it’s the most horrible feeling in the world._

_____ _

_____ _

You watch sadly as Tobio clutches at his drink. You want to give him a moment to compose himself, but you can’t help but ask: _How do you know that he doesn’t feel the same way? ___

____

____

Tobio snorts humorlessly. _You just know,_ he says. _You know him better than anyone. You watched him cycle through girls, you learned to recognize when he was into someone. And he never looked at you like that. He didn’t leave little gifts in your bag. He didn’t linger by your side when it was time to part. He didn’t call you late at night just to hear your voice. And that’s when you realize that you’re in a special box for him; that he thinks of you as his partner in volleyball and as an occasional friend to bounce ideas off of. And that’s all you’ll ever be to him._

_____ _

_____ _

Tobio seems to catch himself rambling. He takes a deep breath before looking back at you through the dim lighting of the bar. _Being in love with your best friend is an ache that you can never get rid of. You watch him, and he’ll run a hand through his hair, and he’ll smile at you when he catches you staring, and you think you finally have the courage to tell him. But then he turns away, and the moment passes. He never asks, and you never tell him. And that’s just how it is._

____

____

The slur in his words has long since faded. He seems to have sobered up a little with this conversation. You can’t blame him. Heartache is a bitch. You have a thousand questions on the tip of your tongue, but you hold back. Something tells you that he’s not done speaking. Time seems to slip by as you wait for him to go on.

When he starts up again, his eyes are unfocused, as if he’s not really talking to you anymore. _And you would think, after all these years, that you’d get over it. But you_ can’t. _How could you? You could look out the window, and the sun could be shining, and it would hit you that even the sun reminds you of the boy you love. And then you’d remember it’s been nearly a year since you saw him. When did he call you last? It’s been so long that you can’t remember. You think to yourself, what went wrong? You did everything you could to keep him close without him realizing just how fucked you are. But life goes on, and you take two different paths. You promise to keep in touch, but you don’t._

_____ _

_____ _

Suddenly, you realize there are tears swimming in Tobio’s eyes. You’re just about to suggest an end to the topic, but he powers on.

_And you think to yourself, well, of course, he wouldn’t spare a thought about you._ Tobio says bitterly. You sit back, surprised. You’ve never heard Tobio sound so jaded about anything before. You almost miss what he says next. 

____

____

_He’s busy in some other part of the world, too busy chasing his dreams and probably falling in love with someone else. Why would he ever think to check in on_ me? _I just got him started, and when he started rolling, he left me in the dust._ Tobio’s head thunks against the polished wood of the table. His hand is still clutched around his drink, fingers white-knuckled against the cool glass. 

_____ _

_____ _

You’re conflicted. You desperately want to hear more, but it’s getting late, and Tobio seems to be sliding steadily into a deep pit of self despair. One final question slips past your tongue.

_Why didn’t you tell him? ___

____

____

Tobio doesn’t pick his head up from the table. 

_I didn’t want to lose him. I guess it didn’t matter in the end, because he was never mine to begin with. ___

____

____

You don’t know it, but when Tobio gets home that night, he cries himself to sleep over a love that never was, and that never would be.

* * *

What’s it like to fall in love with your best friend?

If you ask Shoyo, he won’t respond. You belatedly realize that he’s distracted by something on his phone and wasn’t listening to you. 

So you take him on a walk in the nearby park, where the service is spotty and where you’re guaranteed his full attention. You don’t ask him right away, of course, you know that he’d just clam up if you didn’t ease him into the topic. 

You decide to wait until you come upon a secluded bench on the other side of the park’s lake. After a few moments of admiring the ducks floating along the sparkling water, you turn to Shoyo and ask:

_What’s it like to fall in love with your best friend?_

His eyes widen in surprise for just a moment before melting into something softer, more mature than you’ve ever seen before. He goes back to watching the ducks before answering. _It’s like getting hit with a truck,_ he says. _You watch him crack a smile, or you listen to him talk about his day, and_ bam! _You know. It’s terrifying. But it’s so, so sweet._

You let out a noise of confusion. Shoyo breathes a soft laugh and shoots you a conspiratory glance from the corner of his eye before continuing. _Yes, sweet! You learn to appreciate the little details, you know? You start to notice things you never would’ve before._

He leans back against the wooden bench, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his sweatshirt. _You notice that he smiles when he thinks nobody is looking. You notice how he scrunches his nose when he’s concentrating, and you notice that it’s absolutely adorable. And even though it’s subtle, you notice how his face lights up when he sees you._

_I don’t think I would’ve noticed any of that if I wasn’t in love with him,_ Shoyo says simply. _Being in love with your best friend… is like a double-edged sword. It has the potential to be deadly. But it’s pretty awesome when it works out. ___

A slight breeze winds around the both of you. Shoyo pushes his bright orange hair out of his eyes, seemingly done talking for the moment. You sit in amicable silence and watch the ducks hunt for their dinner along the shore.

_Did you ever tell him?_ You ask, even though you already know the answer.

_No,_ Shoyo says thoughtfully. _No, I didn’t. At first it was because I didn’t think he felt the same, but…_

You watch as a bright smile stretches across his face. He suddenly turns to face you and asks: _Have you ever been in love?_ You don’t answer, but he wasn’t really expecting a response anyway. _Have you ever had someone look at you like you are their entire world?_ He sighs in contented bliss and looks up at the darkening sky. _It’s the most beautiful feeling in the world, when someone looks at you like that. And seeing that look on his face… and it’s fully directed at me… I thought that I could do anything in that moment._

And you can’t help but ask: _Why didn’t you tell him, then?_

Shoyo glances back at you, his smile shifting to something sad and regretful. _We weren’t ready then. We were both too focused on volleyball and school to have a relationship. And the way we acted back then… we wouldn’t have lasted very long. God, how we would fight about everything!_ He smiles ruefully and toes at the dirt gathered around the bench.

_Why don’t you tell him now?_

That seems to give Shoyo a pause. He worries at his lip while searching for an answer. _I… We haven’t talked in so long. I’ve been so busy, I kept forgetting to call… But it’s not like he ever tried contacting_ me. _It wouldn’t be fair for either of us if I dropped something like that on him now. He’s probably moved on, anyway. He wouldn’t want to bother with me anymore._

_Are you sure?_

Shoyo hesitates before nodding uncertainly. _I gave him so many chances, waiting for him to make any sign of wanting to pursue something more._ You notice that Shoyo’s fists are clenched at his sides. 

_I got sick of it,_ he admits. _I got girlfriends to try and make him jealous… I stole his clothes to see his reaction when I wore them after practice… I got him his favorite milk on Valentine’s Day. All he said was, “Oh, thanks.” God, and he always said that_ I was dense! Shoyo chuckles fondly.

He stares back out over the lake before speaking again. _But… that was years ago. Even if he did still want me, he wouldn’t want to see me. Not after all this silence. I know...I know I’ve hurt him, going away and not talking to him for so long. He would never forgive me for that. I’m sure of it._

Shoyo’s voice breaks on the last sentence, and your heart clenches. Darkness had long since fallen. You both sit in silence, letting the sounds of the evening wash over you. You pretend not to notice how the streetlamps around the lake reflect off of the tears silently rolling down Shoyo’s face.

_I’m sure of it,_ he whispers to himself.

When Shoyo gets home that night, it’s with a thoughtful air that he slips into bed. With a head full of thoughts about a certain setter, it’s no surprise when he dreams of cool blue eyes and a rough hand clenched in his hair.

* * *

You aren’t there when Shoyo and Tobio _just so happen_ to bump into each other at the same place at the same time.

But you _suspect_ that they stare into each other’s eyes for just a moment too long, and you are _inclined_ to believe that they might have both been at a loss for what to say. 

"Kageyama," Shoyo finally breathes, leaning forward to look up into startled blue eyes. 

Tobio looks right back at him, and he realizes that Shoyo _ **knows,**_ that he’s known for _**years.**_

And when Shoyo kisses him, Tobio finally feels whole again.


End file.
